How Does That Make Sense?
A young Black man looking just as confused as I did.
I work in a diverse environment. There are people from all kinds of backgrounds. There are Americans, Germans, Egyptians, Indians, you name it! We’re all made up of different races, genders, ethnicities, cultures, and whatever else that makes us a colorful bunch. It’s beautiful! I love to see it!
Although I am surrounded by a diverse group of people, I primarily work with a small bunch within my department. The core group I work with has a similar background as me: Black Americans. There are some white people sprinkled here and there, but most of us are Black in my department. It’s nice!
Now, you may be asking yourself, “How is this relevant?” I’ll tell you why towards the end. But first, a story!
One day, I was sitting in the break room with three other people: a gay man, a straight man, and a straight woman. We were all doing our own thing, minding our business, and just enjoying the silence. Then, my gay coworker finally gets up and goes back to work. No big deal, right? That is normal.
Once he is out of earshot, the other two, who happen to be related to each other, immediately start bad-mouthing him.
“He wants to be a woman so bad!”
“His nails are painted? That’s gay!”
“He needs some more bass in his voice.”
It went on and on until I spoke up. I told them to leave him alone and that there’s nothing wrong with being gay. I was just waiting for them to start talking about me and my super gay ass, but surprisingly they didn’t. Instead, they took a hard left turn.
“Well, it’s okay for a woman to be gay, but not a dude. That’s just nasty!” said the woman. (I won’t mention anyone’s names even though they probably do deserve to be called out.)
Then, the guy said, “Yeah, I agree.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Honestly, I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I’ve been on this earth for a while now, but it was the first time I ever heard this concoction of ignorance. I told them that didn’t make any sense.
Then, the woman said, “You know, they be takin’ it in the butt, and that’s just dirty!”
So, I countered with, “You know, women have anal sex. Does that make them dirty and gay, too? If that’s how you want to classify someone as such, that makes women gay, too, right?”
She didn’t reply. She just moved on to another topic.
Up until recently, every time I saw those two homophobes, it was the first thing I would think of.
“It’s okay for a woman to be gay, but not a dude.”
Then, immediately after, I wondered if others heard this crazy line of thinking, too. So, I asked.
Several people I posed the question to said they’d heard the same thing. Then, I asked, “Why is this a thing?” I got different responses.
“Because they think lesbians are hot,” was one response. Not false, but a little shallow with no forethought in my opinion.
Another person said, “Straight men for whatever reason feel threatened by gay men…. Those same very obnoxious straight men fantasize about being with two women at the same time. So, they tolerate lesbians because they think they might have a shot at getting a couple of them in bed or getting one to go home with him and his girlfriend.”
I have totally experienced this at a club! The dude stood back and watched his girlfriend, some white woman, flirt with me. I was taken aback because she came on so strong. She grabbed my waist and kissed me, too, and I was so done! Touching and kissing without consent is a no for me!
Another person said, “Being penetrated by a penis makes you dirty…. Straight women are dirtied by sex, too, which is why we slut-shame women but not [straight] men. But lesbians are not dirtied in the same way because there is typically no penis involved in lesbian sex.”
Yep! I believe that is what my bigoted coworker was getting at. However, penises aren’t these soiled things that dirty people and ruin their lives. Penises are just penises, and sex between two men, two women, a man and a woman, or whoever is completely normal as long as all parties are consenting. What’s not normal is someone being so caught up in someone else’s sex life that they think they can judge them and tell them that what they’re doing is wrong.
I think another point that I’d like to mention that no one did is that homophobic straight women seem to think all gay men have HIV or some kind of STI. Automatically! You’re a gay man, so you must have something. This is a very old stereotype, which began in the 1980s, that people still believe today. However, statistics now show that Black women are at a higher risk of getting HIV than any other group of people. I read that somewhere and wish I saved the article. I'd go into the details, but I want to stay on topic. I'll save that for another day. The very least I can do is post a few links at the bottom of this post to get you started on your HIV-learning journey.
What it all boils down to is ignorance and hatred. People like my coworkers have these misconceptions about LGBTQ+ folks, which makes them treat us poorly without hesitation, and that can really put us in awkward, embarrassing positions or even in harm's way. They are so unwilling to unlearn and reeducate themselves because they are so set in their ways. All of the misinformation floating around in the media doesn’t help either.
But you know what? What makes me even more upset about the whole situation at work was that the two people who were bad-mouthing the Black gay man were Black. With all the things happening in the world, especially with the Trump administration, we need to stick together so we can try to make it through unscathed. We are stronger united than divided. I’m fully aware that homophobia is rampant in the Black community. Even so, I was just hoping those two were a little more progressive since they seemed to be okay with me before that day. It just really goes to show how ignorant, nitpicky, and unfair people can be.
It's a long shot, but I hope that one day homophobia will be a thing of the past. I hope that we can see past our own biases and see others for who they truly are and treat people like human beings. I hope one day I can sit in the break room or anywhere else with a group of people and not worry about anyone, including myself, being discriminated against. That’s the future that I hope to see, but I know that would take putting in a ton of work, and lots of us aren’t even ready to lift a finger. Still, a girl can dream!
As promised, I’ve provided some links so that you can learn move about HIV and how it impacts us as a community, especially the Black community. If you have any other reliable sources of information you’d like to share, please submit them in the comments below. You can also message me using the contact form if you don’t want your name displayed in the comments. Then, I’ll post them for you.
Articles:
https://www.history.com/articles/history-of-aids
Resources:
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-care/our-services/hiv-services
https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/index.html
https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/overview/data-and-trends/statistics
