I’m Not Fine, and That is Okay

*Pseudonyms are used to protect the identities of people.

Photo of a Black woman looking into the camera. Via Unsplash.

These days, it seems like everyone is going through a difficult time. A coworker, friend, aunt, mother, just take your pick! Right now, in 2025, people are just going through it, including me.

As I’ve mentioned before in a previous newsletter, life had really hit me hard several weeks ago, and quite honestly, I still haven’t recovered fully from it. I’m working towards healthy habits and getting my household in order. It’s not easy, but I’m getting there, and so is everyone in my home. I can truly say with confidence that we’ll all be okay, thankfully.

A few weeks ago, I was at work waiting to get on the elevator. When it finally came, one of my coworkers just happened to be on the elevator. He’s such a nice guy, very quiet, and just seems like the type to go with the flow and let things roll off his back. Everyone likes this guy. It’s damn near impossible to dislike him.

His best friend is also very likable. He loves to have a good time and be surrounded by people. I mean, if best friend goals were a thing, they’d be the definition of best friend goals. They’re perfect!

Anyways, I get on the elevator with my coworker and he says, “Hey, Toni! How you doin’?”

For a split second, I thought about giving that generic answer, “I’m fine,” but it just didn’t seem right because, quite honestly, I would’ve been lying. I also didn’t feel the need to sugarcoat how I was truly feeling. So, I gave him an honest answer.

“You know, Bill, I’m kinda going through it, but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. So, I think I’ll be okay.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I hear you. I’m going through something myself.” He proceeded to give me very little detail, but I understood exactly what he was getting at.

“Ah, I’m sorry!” I responded. “Please, if there is anything I can ever do or if you just want to talk it out, let me know. I’m more than willing to help.” Hell! I didn’t know what I could possibly do, but if there was anything at all, I would do it.

He smiled and told me he appreciated my sentiment. He hasn’t taken me up on my offer yet, but I put it out there. So, whenever he’s ready, I’ll be there.

Right after he thanked me, I immediately thought of his best friend.

“Wait! How is Joe? Is he okay?”

“He’s got some things going on, too.” He proceeded to tell me a couple of things Joe was dealing with.

That’s when it dawned on me. Everyone is having a hard time, not just me. Of course, people have difficulties in life. I know that, but I just didn’t notice those around me, the people I see every day, were going through some major stuff, too. I told myself right then and there that I’d make more of an effort to reach out and be present.

I told Bill I’d have to call Joe and check on him, and Bill said he’d like that. So, I did. Later that day, I called Joe to check on him and lent him an ear. I could tell in his voice that he was really happy to hear from me. Now, I’ve made it a point to call him on a regular basis.

In fact, I’ve been texting and calling all of my friends more because I know that times are really rough right now. I want them to know I’m there for them, and even if I can’t do anything to alleviate the stress, at least they’ll know that I care.

And honestly, that’s one of the things that’s been getting me through my tough times. Great friends, a nice mother, and some kind strangers checking on me who were willing to step up and give me what I needed or just be present. It’s a nice little reminder that I am not alone in this and that there is still some good in the world. It uplifts me so I can return the favor or pay it forward.

So yeah, things aren’t great right now, and I’m not fine, but that’s okay. Times like this won’t last. Things will get better. As long as I keep my head up and have support along the way, I’ll be okay.